When Logic Fails
by Natasha Simmons
Summary: Told from Itachi's Point of View. Can he handle the knowledge that Kisame may have unprofessional feelings? More mature than intended... Picture from DeviantART by Saruno4792
1. Shoulders

_Shoulders_

Maybe it was just me, but it seemed that Kisame wasn't his usual self. His attempts to make conversations, bad puns and usual boasts about being the strongest with his sword were seemingly forgotten. It was a little unnerving, I don't think I ever really expected silence out of him. It had been at least an hour since we left the hidden mist behind. He had been silent from the very second Pein had given us this mission to the Mist village. It was bothering me.

I snuck looks at Kisame. Small glances here and there, I know he didn't notice. His head was low and he was staring at the ground. His posture was much different than usual, his shoulders slumped and his arms fell to his sides almost as useless as dead fish. His spine was curved in a slump. It was very different from his usual posture which was an erect spinal cord, huge grin and squared shoulders, like he was going into battle. Hands gesticulating while he spoke, or projected was a better word for it, or touching his samehada often.

I wasn't sure what to do. I felt out of place talking to him about it but felt stupid and insensitive by not doing anything. Then again, I was supposed to be playing a bad guy. That kept me from saying anything. I kept looking at him here and there; in a quick glance his gaze caught mine. We stopped walking to stare at eachother. My gaze was level and unblinking; his was saddened and almost empty.

"Is there something wrong?" He asks his voice not as loud as usual.

"You seem very quiet" I said in my monotone. Trying to keep all sounds of worry from my voice. He shrugged

"Don't feel like talking, that's all" He closes his eyes and keeps walking, now shoving his hands into his pockets. I stared walking behind him watching his behavior for anything else strange. We walked to a hotel and got a room. A room with two beds, it costs a little extra but we don't care like Kakuzu does, we've heard the stories his partners have told. His latest, Yoshiko, was complaining day in and day out about his stingy behavior. Honestly I'm surprised she had lived so long.

The hotel room was well made and clean. I slipped off my shoes and placed them neatly on the floor. Kisame did the same… He never places his shoes next to mine so symmetrically. I walked into the room and decided to try something unusual myself. I pulled off my clouded Akatsuki coat and threw it on the floor at his feet and walked to the bed and sat on it. Kisame looked at the coat and without a missing a beat he picked it up and hung it up next to his.

"Anything you want to talk about?" I asked "You seem to be acting different."

"What makes you say that?" Kisame asked sitting on the bed his head hanging low.

"You just hung up our coats and placed your shoes so neatly next to mine." I noted pointing "You aren't that neat. You never have been. Your silence is also unnerving me. What is going on?"

"Nothing." He said "Just tired." I decided I wasn't getting anything other than that from him so I gave up. I stripped off my clothes and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and slid into the bed sheets. I pulled out a book I was reading from while Kisame went into the shower.

Even though I heard the shower turn off he didn't leave the bathroom. Another thing that slightly unnerved me. He emerged from the bathroom and simply slunk under the covers and lay there. I continued to read long into the night, eventually I felt the toll of a week without sleep really effecting me. I placed my bookmark into the book and turned out the light. I stared at the ceiling for a long time without moving, contemplating Kisame's strange behavior, my brother, the Hidden Leaf, whether or not Kakuzu would ever find a suitable partner, kittens...

Honestly by now I was under the impression that Kisame had fallen asleep. He usually falls asleep very quickly. Wears himself out by talking to himself when we travel, but tonight I noticed his bed moving. It was obviously him moving in it, but the way he was moving, breathing told me he was crying.

I lay there listening to the sound of his desperately trying to be silent sobs. I had no idea what I was going to do. Just listening to him made me feel useless, guilty. I had no idea what to do, much less how to go about doing it. I couldn't just sit here, I stood up from my bed. Kisame stopped moving and making noise immediately, knowing I was awake. My heart pounded and I felt almost sick as I moved to his bed. I could hear my brain yelling to bypass him and take a walk or use the bathroom, anything else.

I reached out and lightly touched my partner who still lay there. I eased myself down onto his bed and really held his shoulder. Not sure what else to do I began rubbing his shoulder. I could feel his trembling and finally he really broke down and began crying again. I sat there feeling awkward, useless, stupid and somewhat depressed. After what seemed like forever, he shifted and put his face on my stomach wrapping his arms around my waist and hugging me snugly. I suppose it was lucky of me to be so immune to emotion, what would happen if I wasn't?

It took what seemed like hours, but by now I was sure he was asleep. If I could have snuck back to my bed I would have, unfortunately though, Kisame was still clinging to me. Almost desperately, as if I was going to simply disappear. I sub-consciously began stroking his hair; I suppose I was bored and just trying to keep myself occupied. I began to contemplate the answer to life and rethink where I would keep my notes on the Akatsuki's movements as Deidara came dangerously close to finding them last week.

I was preoccupied; I'd stopped my movements as I really began to ponder that hiding place. Kisame shifted to a sitting position next to me. Surprising me as I had truly thought he was asleep. He sat there a while and I stayed obediently next to him. I may not particularly consider Kisame a firend, but I don't completely hate him either. Eventually he shifted again, in the darkness I couldn't see what exactly in his position had changed.

Then I felt something soft touch my face, I jumped mostly as an automatic reaction to surprise. Slowly he moved closer to me, I was paralyzed in my surprise. My heart pounded and felt almost like it was filled with helium. My throat went dry and I lost my voice. Then his lips touched mine.

It started soft, him holding the back of my neck so I couldn't back away easily. I was still in shock; the reaction to my care confused me. I couldn't understand and that bothered me. What began to bother me more, as I sat there with him, was that I wasn't doing anything to stop him. Instead I placed the hand that wasn't keeping me in an upright position, on his arm that was resting between us. This seemed to only encourage him. He pressed harder onto my face, bringing me closer.

The hand that was resting between us, shook itself free of my hand and placed itself firmly onto my hip. I put my free hand back onto his arm and he shifted closer to me. His hands began to wander, one feeling my chest, the other tangling in my hair. I could feel his tongue toying with my lower lip, bringing it into his mouth and biting on it gently. The hand on my chest tracing meaningless designs and fondling my nipples.

I slowly came to the awareness that I was getting aroused from this. That I wasn't stopping him from whatever he was doing, that I was enjoying it as well. I was still confused, still shocked and somewhere in my mind was also fear. Of what, I'm not sure, nor did I want to elaborate on it.

His knee came between my legs and ground against me and I involuntarily gasped at the contact. Pleasure shot up my body and his tongue slipped in my open mouth trying to coax mine into playing. He must have found it boring or fruitless as he broke the contact and trailed up my jawline, nudging my head to the left and sucking hard on the skin. I dug my fingernails into his arm biting my lip to keep from crying out. It almost began to hurt, but I couldn't place exactly what kept me from stopping him.

The hand still on my waist pulled my closer and my arm gave out and I hit the bed. He climbed over top of me and began kissing me again, much harder than the last time. He slid one of his hands in the waistband of my pants, just resting it there and then beginning to tug them down. Alarms then really surfaced in my brain. I pulled away and tried to wriggle out of his grip, he stopped moving completely. I waited for a moment to see if he would stop or not.

Instead be bent down to my neck and began leaving kisses so gently around my neck and collarbone. It was nice; all thoughts of stopping temporarily left my brain. His hand began trailing down my hips and onto my thighs. I reacted instantly and my body began heating up, my throat was dry again and it was getting hard to breathe. He stopped kissing my neck and attacked my lips again.

His hands rubbing my thighs, causing all my self control to go to not screaming in pleasure. I moved my hand to his shoulder, I dug my nails in and he groaned leaning down and grinding against me. I couldn't help the sounds of pleasure, it was good. He quit grinding against me and grabbed my junk through my sweatpants and through the haze of pleasure the alarm bells rang loud and clear.

I wriggled into the mattress and closed my legs, I tried to push him away but it was hard, me being only half his weight. I wriggled far enough that it didn't much matter as gravity took over and I fell, rather ungracefully, off the bed. Before I could be persuaded against my better judgment I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.

I flipped on the light switch and leaned my hand firmly on the countertop. Staring down my reflection. My hair was a mess, going everywhere in knots and frizzy strands. My face was lightly pink still a light blush. I sat down on the toilet and held my head. It was spinning like I'd been drinking. I felt angry at myself for not stopping sooner. Why I hadn't I don't know, everything was a mess. I couldn't make sense of anything, all the logic I'd been so good at seemed to just fly out the window.

Nothing wanted to make sense, but I was sure that the last thing I wanted to do was leave the safety of the bathroom. Especially while I was still hard, I had just learned how quickly pleasure shuts down logic and any and all thought processes. Better to face the situation while I could properly think and react. I stood up again and looked at my reflection and my heart almost stopped. On my neck was a bright red hickey.


	2. Affection

_Affection_

I came out of the bathroom the next morning. Kisame looked to have fallen asleep waiting for me to leave the bathroom. He was asleep sitting up, head resting on his knees. I dressed in the bathroom and then left trying to clear my brain. I walked along the roads lined with trees and other plant life. Trying to make sense of all that had happened. The silent treatment leading up to it, the emotional breakdown, my own failure to act. I didn't understand.

Was it all an elaborate plan? No, Kisame wasn't that kind of person, I give him credit where he deserves but he isn't much of a thinker. Maybe someone else's plan? Deidara was the only person I know that would have any motive at all against me or in my favor and it didn't seem like his type of revenge. So that left … Only one other explanation. Though, I'd sooner believe Deidara's revenge idea than that.

By the time I'd finished my walk, Kisame was awake. When I walked in he stood up, staring at me in surprise and guilt. Good.

"Itachi." He began but I held up my hand to show I wasn't about to listen and shrugged on my coat and picked up my bag. I knew our partnership was going to get very awkward now. Maybe if we got too dysfunctional Pein would have us reassigned partners. Getting Deidara as a partner would be okay even. I left the room and Kisame followed behind me, we checked out of the hotel and continued on our way. The walk was silent, we didn't walk at the same pace either. Whatever speed I went at, Kisame would hang back, probably in his own thoughts.

I myself was trying to puzzle out Kisame's behavior. Why things turned out the way they did last night. I may never know, that bothered me. I could however delve farther into my own conscious and try to understand my own reactions. Why I didn't stop him. Was there something deep down that I wasn't aware of that I felt? I thought I was numb to feeling any emotion, why is that changing? I'm not different, I haven't changed. Have I?

I was puzzling over myself when I felt something touching me. I turned to look at Kisame irritably. There was something different about him, something in his eyes. I stared at him, irritated and trying not to show my actual emotion. I could tell he wanted to talk about it, I wanted answers, his eyes dropped to the mark he left on my neck. Just it being there irritated me, angered me. Seeing it, knowing of its existence reminded me of my failure, of the guilt.

"I think we need to talk" He said slowly, carefully drawing out each word as if they were chosen very carefully. I didn't respond, just continued to stare at him. If he wanted to talk, then he should start explaining, if not then he should back out of my face. "Last night, it wasn't really…" He began struggling with his words. That bothered me, I wanted a real answer, even if it's a pathetic excuse, it'll work for me.

"I didn't mean for… I mean I…." He stuttered more, I almost debated slapping hm. Violence wouldn't be the right response though. "I was having a rough day and I thought you… I mean…" If he was going to try and pin this on me trying to be nice then I would kill him and not regret it…. Okay I might a little. Still though. It seemed my lack of response was just making him feel worse.

"Why did you, last night." Kisame asked "Why did you act like you cared?"

"I don't act" I responded "You obviously were having issues and if you can't function properly then we can't get anything done. Why else would I act the way I did?"

"I … Nevermind. You're right" Kisame nodded his face looked much more sullen now. I may have only made it worse, but then at least I won't have to worry about being assaulted anymore. Still, what was he thinking? What made him act that way? I wanted to ask but decided against it. I shook myself from his grip and continued walking; he hung behind me probably still thinking about last night and whatever he thought I was doing. What did he think I was doing?

We made it to the mist village shortly before night, perfect cover for us to complete our mission. A simple murder and then leave mission. Soon we'd be back at the base and in our respective rooms with locks and privacy.

The business end of tonight was simple, took us half an hour and then we were on our way home. Kisame was still in his own little world, I was off in my own thoughts. Now I began concentrating on my own reactions. The part I began to hate the most was how good it felt. I had realized it was what probably stopped me from speaking up sooner. I had simply become useless yesterday, maybe somewhere in my deluded reasoning, I just wanted him to feel better. I rarely feel much of anything anymore, especially for others. If it isn't hate, I don't care or pay attention.

I can't quite remember what friendship felt like, but I figured I didn't have any among the Akatsuki. I know I have enemies, if only one, and I know the others don't care enough to hate me or provide friendship. In fact Kisame's the only one I ever remember trying to actually talk to me, the rest just don't care my opinion. He's the only one who's ever done anything for me, unasked and unrewarded. Thinking back on all this I began to wonder what else about him I was completely oblivious to.

As we reached our base, things had really began to fall into place for me. I was still confused, but I felt as if I was close to the answer. I felt close, I just needed to puzzle on it for a little bit longer. I went straight to my room and shut the door behind me, not bothering to see Pein about the mission. Kisame would, because I didn't. That's always how it was, whatever I didn't, Kisame did. It was almost like clockwork.

He was just there. Always asking about everything, anything, just trying to get an answer. I always wrote it off as him being a snarky bastard but what if my earlier ruling was right?

I remembered back when I first came to Akatsuki. Sasori was paired with Orochimaru and I had just been assigned Kisame as my partner. He wasn't very talkative then. Instead he sneered at me a lot, told me to keep my space. Generally being annoying. Though after I drove Orochimaru away, he seemed to back off me a little, almost wary of me. I found that a good sign and didn't look any further into it.

When we went on our first mission together, some retrieve the item thing, we had been ambushed by some random ninjas. He didn't fight at all, it was all me. After that he kept his distance, I supposed in fear of me, and I was fine with that. What happened to change it?

When we assisted Sasori in retrieving Deidara, and I subdued Deidara I remember something very odd. I remember Deidara brooding and being a nuisance trying to find something he could beat me at. Plotting vengeance of some kind, I was much more focused on trying to make sure our captive wouldn't escape. I didn't really know Deidara back then and I supposed it was a valid worry.

I remember sitting near the campfire the sun down and I was the first in a sleep rotation. Not worrying about being assaulted by the company I changed into my sweats and lay on the bed mat. It was a warm night, I remember that, I remember not being able to fall asleep right away. Staring off into the distance, I remember Deidara talking to Sasori, who was still awake, about art, Akatsuki, and something about me. I can't remember any more what it was, I always assumed that it was about any weaknesses I might have, but it was distinctly after that conversation that Kisame grew closer to me.


	3. Puzzles

_Puzzles_

I sat in the corner of my room, my knees drawn to my chest my arms around my knees. I rested my face on my knees. This wasn't a very dignified position and I knew it, still I felt the most secure like this. My back to the walls and the door securely locked and my window blockaded. No way that anyone could bother me or see me like this.

I thought about taking another shower. I'd already taken three and Kakuzu was probably going to bust my door down if I took another. I wanted to wash off the goosebumps and the feeling. Only problem was that hickey's don't wash off. It made me feel dirty again, and thinking about that feeling gave me goosebumps.

I shivered, still remembering those strange feelings. The question that still haunted me was what did he think? He said he thought something about me and I wanted to know what it was. Coming right out and asking him? Not an option! Not even conceivable! I flat out refuse to talk to him anymore… Okay, maybe that's drastic. I mean I don't hate him, do I? No, not really. I still like him, but how much?

Ack! I've got the bad chills! I shivered almost convulsively. I leaned my head against the corner. Then I banged my head against the wall a couple times. Nothing was helping, just giving me a huge headache. Then it really occurred to me I was having a conversation all by myself like Zetsu does. I truly am losing my mind. I banged my head against the wall again and leaned back to stare at my ceiling, judging by the shadows there I can guess it's nearly night. I've been sitting here all day, I'm really tired. I can't exactly pinpoint the last time I slept anymore.

Not that it's really surprising. I get terrible night terrors. I can wake up and in the blackness still see the visions of my nightmare. I choked hard as my brain threw an epiphany at me. The nights I sleep the best are the nights when I'm sharing a room with Kisame. I need sleep. My sanity can only take so much in one day… or week as the case may be. I picked myself up from the corner and slid into bed. My hair was already down and I hadn't changed out of my sweats since I had gotten out of my third shower. I closed my eyes and it didn't take long for the blackness to take me.

My nightmares are getting worse. It was all I could do to not scream when I sprang out of my bed from that one. I hope I didn't unconsciously scream while I was asleep. Sasori told me I did that once. I stared into the darkness of my room, the only light coming from the window. My knees gave out and I fell to the ground and leaned against my bed, panting hard trying to flush the visions from my mind. I closed my eyes. It made it worse. I summoned everything in me to move my cement body to under the window to sit in the moonlight. Hoping it would alleviate my fears.

I didn't really notice it at first, until I felt something crawling down my arm and saw the liquid. Was I crying? I wiped at my eyes, I was. I couldn't stop it. I was crying, hard. I buried my head on my knees and let it out. I had quiet sobs, I didn't even have to try. It was well practiced since living with my parents and all the pressure and not to mention the things that went on behind the closed doors. My problem was just too many skeletons in my closet. But what can I do about it? I can't confess any of my crimes, well except to maybe Madara, but he'd never understand. I couldn't talk to him, I'd learned that lesson.

Everything hurt. My head, my heart, my body even ached. Though, that might be from how active I get when I go through a nightmare. Eventually the tears stopped. I just sat sniffling and trembling. Why was life so hard? Why wasn't there some little stamps above every choice that was either on fire or glowing respectively for good and bad options? I mean, what if I made a mistake? Well, it wasn't like I was actually perfect… I make mistakes and everyone jumps on me. Like their waiting for it, just so they can shove it in my face.

Everyone always treated me like I was a bad guy, doesn't make sense that I play the role given to me? Isn't that what they wanted? I'm so confused. Nothing makes sense anymore, logic has failed me and now I'm running on emotions and that's never a good thing. It's probably just a phase. I'll stay in my room until it passes, even if it kills me. No one is to know about my imperfections, I've endured enough from other's catching them. The true irony is, there is imperfection in perfection itself.

I sat under my window until morning, then someone started knocking on my door.

"Itachi? It's Konan, we've had suicide problems before and we just want to make sure you aren't dead." She called through the door. Her subtlety is truly to be envied. Why the hell does anyone send her to handle the delicate situations? The girl has no sense of tact.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I called back keeping my voice level.

"Okay good" Konan called back. That was the last I heard of her. She still has no sense of tact.


	4. Emotions

_Emotions_

I can hold my emotions, but sometimes they spill everywhere. Like last night, but it's okay. No one really knows about it. I'm not sure what everyone knows though… Whatever they think, they don't show. Except Deidara, I still see only hatred when I look at him. That's a pretty clear thought process. I had left my room, and was now sitting in our sitting room reading and munching. Without food I'll start hallucinating and that will make everything worse.

I pulled all my hair over my shoulder, to cover the red mark that was just beginning to think about fading. If someone entered the room I wouldn't acknowledge it. The less contact I have with other people the better.

"Itachi." Konan said standing right in front of me. I looked up at her. "You are needed in Pein's Office." She said I picked myself up off the couch and placed my book where I had been sitting and walked down the hall. So much for no contact. I entered the dark room and closed the door behind me, it wasn't Pein who wanted to see me.

"Is there something you want to tell me now?" Madara asked lazily, "Or should I start and you admit?" I stayed silent, I may not like this conversation much. Especially when the word 'admit' is used. "Well, according to Kisame you're mission went well."

"Yes, sir" I answer, easy question… statement. I can handle that.

"Did something else happen?" He asked me. How much did Kisame tell! I may kill him if too much ended up on the table.

"No." I said as convincingly as possible.

"I know about the mark on your neck" He said offhandedly. I bit my lip. Kisame may have to die now. I know I've said that a lot these past few days but right now is the breaking point, he's dead. "I saw it when you walked in two days ago." …Okay so it isn't Kisame's fault… Wait a minute, it was his fault. Maybe I should tell Madara that. "So what I want to know is how long exactly you two took at some brothel instead of doing your homework to catch the right target!" I mean I- wait. What?

"What?" I answered dumbly. Did he say that we missed the target?

"You heard me" He said. My brain clicked. He said brothel too! He thought we- I would- wait. Which part actually is bothering me more?

"How did we miss the target? We had a picture" I said "We followed him around and people used the right name and it was him." I'll correct the other issue in a moment. Or maybe I won't. It might be less embarrassing than what actually happened. As long as no one found out.

"Turns out, it wasn't"

"A decoy?"

"Misdirection."

"This is my fault because?" I asked confused, I had been given the wrong target and I'm in trouble?

"That's not the part that bugs me" He said "We made the mistake, what bothers me is that you were fooling around when you should have been working." What am I going to say for myself on this one? Oh no, we weren't looking at female strippers; my partner just sexually assaulted me because I was being nice… That has such a nice ring of insanity to it… I'll just take the rap for this and pretend that's what happened.

"Do you understand?" He asked sternly, oops. I think I zoned out for his whole speech on how whorehouses were bad... Is that bad though? I nodded solemnly he dismissed me and I went back to the sitting room. That was probably one of the weirdest conversations I'll ever have. The room was empty and who should come in and sit next to me but my partner.

"Itachi, can we talk?" He asked not looking me in the eyes. I stand corrected. I looked up at him irritably. "Somewhere less public?" That all depends on if you're going to assault me again. I stood up none the less and put my book back down. It's just one of those days, isn't it? I let him lead, the base was really, and unnervingly quiet.

"Kakuzu killed Yoshiko finally and everyone's gone to see what Pein is going to do about it." Kisame answered my unspoken question. He's good at that. We walked into his room, something about that struck me as 'don't do it' but I suppose I'm irritated enough today I won't feel bad about maiming him. I stayed by the closed door, he sat on the bed. I already learned that lesson; the door is where I'll stay.

"I suppose you got a long talk from Pein about the mark" He asked, oh so he got to sit through that too? Good. I shrugged in response. It wasn't from Pein but yes. "Is there something you want to say?" Me? Why should I be saying anything, this isn't something I started… is it? I stared at him while my brain tried to defend my position. "Why are you always so quiet?" Because my brain is far too lively.

"I have my reasons" I said, not the truth, but close enough. He seemed to accept it either way. Everyone has their reasons.

"Alright then, I just don't want to end up going backwards" Backwards? Does he mean in our relationship? Like partners. Not… Why am I even thinking about that! Shut up brain! "And neither of us are being completely honest with each other" Yes, well, honesty isn't always the best policy in this life.

"Truth hurts" I said shrugging.

"It really does" He sighed. It peaked my interest. What does he know about the truth? Now, I'm curious.

"Can we at least try to move forward?" He asked looking at me. I stared at him for a while genuinely debating it. Could I? Maybe, maybe I could.


	5. Lessons

_Lessons_

It was weird sitting with him on the bed. It felt, almost like it did that night. Guilty, depressing, painful. I was afraid. I knew that, I was willing to reach, now I had to hope that he wouldn't drop me. It was weird, I mean I didn't spill everything in a giant heap of word vomit but I did listen, that seemed to be what he wanted. I spoke for a while about my childhood, the pressures and aggravations. I avoided the parts about the coop, and Madara. There was a lot I didn't tell him, there was a lot he didn't tell me.

Somehow I was okay with that. It felt good to just talk about the trauma that I had gaining the Mangekyou, he told me about the cypher division. There was just so much the two of us had to hide. So much to hide, so much that may never come out, still it felt almost like confessing with actually confessing. It was kind of nice.

Back in my room by myself, I was disappointed with myself. I shared probably too much. How embarrassing. Still, I felt better. I may never know what he thought about me, but I think I know enough for today. I lay in bed facing the wall, feeling oddly at peace. I drifted to sleep thinking about what I had learned today, I didn't have a nightmare at all.

We left for a mission after a few days of peace. Kisame was back to being loud and it was comforting to me to know all was again right with the world. I think what the two of us really needed was someone to listen to us, confirm we were right in our decisions. Having someone agree with you does wonders for the conscious. Not to mention my sleeping patterns have been glorious. Through my musings, I listened and actually kept conversation. When our opinions differed it would get quiet, then Kisame would change the subject.

Our topic changed to honesty, we talked and agreed, then he began talking about betrayal. About how the kage of his village was selling information, I began getting uncomfortable, remembering the notes on Akatsuki, the ones I'd be handing in next week to my contact in Konoha. No one knew, though Deidara came close to finding out purely on accident, and hearing him talk about the murder, I decided that was something I would keep to myself. It reminded me that just because I was on good terms, doesn't mean he wouldn't turn on me.

I can't believe I had forgotten that. Was I really that deprived of human contact that I was willing to just come completely clean? No, there were skeletons that were buried in my closet, and they will never come out.

With my silence the conversation died. I was silent because I was a little intimidated. Afraid even. Now knowing his views on spies I felt I may have made a grave error in trusting him. It was never too late to back off, stop where we were and leave it alone, and we could always work backward. Of course, there was always just killing him. Kakuzu did that all the time, though I don't think it's because he spills his guts to his partners. It's always a thought, confessing and if the reaction is hostile, murder. Maybe, but I really wanted to avoid that. It's an option but not the one I wanted to use.

We found a small out of the way village, no ninjas, perfect for spending the night. We found a cute little inn and checked in. It had been silent since I stopped talking. Remembering the last time that happened, I was unnerved. I felt like I should start up a conversation but just couldn't. We placed our shoes neatly together, our coats followed. We sat on our respective beds, lost in our own thoughts. I pulled out my book and tried reading, but my overactive brain kept butting in.

I put my book down and lay back on the bed, not really tired, just thinking. It was weird how I've been acting. I wonder if anyone else has noticed any such strange behavior. What was the reasoning for it? The weight shifted on the bed, but before I could make eye contact I was being hugged tightly by my partner. It wasn't all unpleasant actually. It was getting hard to keep in mind I shouldn't be so trusting with Kisame, with all the things I'm still hiding. He leaned on me snuggling to my back. It was warm, kind of nice. I was lost again, confused and dazed. So much had happened, so much was yet to happen.

I felt bad, knowing he trusts me to be something that I'm actually not. My Akatsuki life is a complete lie. Yet it was such a good one that they believed it, and someone actually trusts it. Maybe though, maybe it doesn't have to stay a lie… No, of course it does, it comes out the entire organization will bring hellfire and pitchforks and demand blood. I was a competent Shinobi, but I was still afraid of fighting Kakuzu. Not to mention what Madara might do if he found out. I shuddered at that one. Whatever it was, it would be very slow.

"Are you okay?" Kisame asked, I'd honestly forgotten all about him. I nodded still in my own world. I didn't expect my silence to be so unusual. "Are you cold? You shivered." Oh, that.

"No, not cold" I responded "Just thinking."

"About what?" He asked, I suppose it was because he cared but still…

"Nothing important" Blatant lie. I'm a liar… Oh yeah, I guess we knew that. Never mind false alarm. I don't actually think I've ever felt this level of security. I leaned back onto Kisame, I may never admit it, but I like this. It's warm, it's self-assuring and I feel safe. I'm well aware how dangerous that is, but I can't help it. I want to stop lying and be real again. But you can't always do what you want, as much as I wanted to quit, I couldn't. There was too much, too many people, depending on me to be the bad guy.

Lost in my thoughts I didn't notice what Kisame was doing until he pulled me back to the bed. Pulling the blankets over us and turning out the lights. He snuggled down with me, this was kind of weird. Not all unpleasant but weird. It was comfortable though. I was warm, it was nice. I got sleepy quick. I yawned and cuddled down and started to drift off.

"hey Itachi" Kisame said, so quiet I almost missed it.

"Yes, Kisame?" I asked mostly asleep.

"What did I say that made you go so silent?" He asked

"Oh you said.." I stopped suddenly, quickly remembering the dilemma before my brain ran off without me. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Oh." He said softly "Ok then." He got silent.

"Do you think something's wrong?" I asked dreading the answer.

"Well…" He said clinging to me tighter. "No, I guess not."

"It isn't you" I said honestly "I've been thinking. That's all."

"Is that the truth? You don't have to lie" He said "I can take it."

"It isn't that simple" I admitted "You know how that is, don't you?"

"Yeah, I guess so." He responded, sullenly. He knows it was a lie. Or a cover up. Or whatever it was. Hell, I didn't even know, doesn't that make it the truth? I'd ask, but that would allude to my lies. I wish I didn't have to. I really do, but I can't and it hurts. Maybe someday I won't have to anymore. I look forward to that day.


	6. Flirt

_Flirt_

Waking up was never something I personally wanted to do. I would absolutely love to sleep in, yet I never really could, I would always wake up to some annoyance and never be able to get back to sleep. This morning I woke up to being almost crushed. It scared me so bad I ripped a sharp object from my pack and nearly rammed my still sleeping partners' eyes right out of his skull. I sighed in relief and put my kunai back in my pack and settled back down.

I couldn't sleep. My brain was awake now, I wriggled. I was pretty well stuck in his grip. I tried to wrestle my way to freedom, trying to shimmy down, pull his arms off me. No. He slept like a rock and his grip was iron. I lay with his arms around my shoulders from my tampering, laying with my head on his stomach, also my tampering. I wriggled more still pulling his arms, finally I was free. Now I was mostly against his legs and hips but free none the less.

I rose from the bed and stretched up high and then touched my toes. Then I dressed, events from the previous night flooding into my brain. I remember waking up multiple times to him hugging me or repositioning himself to more appropriately cuddle with me. It was nice actually for the most part. I slept rather soundly, minus the waking up to movement. I took the opportunity to shower while Kisame slept. When I got out he was getting up slowly. He wasn't much of a morning person, he could get up and get moving but not one for talking until at least half an hour after he woke.

He stood up and stretched, he was much taller than me. I never really noticed how his muscle flexed with every move he made. I bit the inside of my lip hard and began drying off my hair, covering my eyes too so I had nothing more to notice about my fit partner. I walked to my pack, keeping my head down and drying my hair, and sat on the bed and began to brush through my hair. Long hair was a hassle but I would never dream of cutting it.

"Hey, Itachi" Kisame asked, I looked up as I put my hair in a loose pony tail. He had nice abs, I caught myself biting my lip harder to stop my brain from elaborating on that thought. "You think we're going to have any problems with the target?" I shrugged looking away from my partner trying to stop all thoughts about him being attractive in any way.

"I suppose, if he's smart enough to pull one over our superiors then I suppose he would be brash enough to think he could take two members of Akatsuki" I said shrugging off the towel around my middle and pulling on my underwear. Trying not to let my mind wander to the fact that he may be watching me dress. "If he is then he may give us trouble but on the other hand he could think that he's so smart that he underestimates us and we catch him then." I pulled on my pants and a shirt over my head and began shrugging on my coat and shoes.

"Right." Kisame agreed, I'm not too sure if he was actually listening to anything I'd been saying. Oh well, when we were ready we left the inn and continued on our way. It seems all the events of yesterday were long forgotten, at least by my unusual partner as he was back to his usual posture and personality. Squared shoulders, straight spine, wildly gesticulating hands and loud one-sided conversations. Though I talk more now too so I guess I can't call his conversations one-sided anymore…

"Hey, what do you think of the other members?" Kisame asked out of the blue. I admit, his question caught me off guard.

"Well, I suppose I don't have much to say." I answered truthfully. "Why?"

"Curious." He answered "Like, Deidara for instance."

"Well, I'm not opposed to him, sometimes annoyed by him but usually just wary of what he's planning." I answered "I'm getting the feeling he isn't very happy with me."

"Is that it?" He asked "There's nothing else?"

"No" I answered confused, "Why?"

"Nothing" He answered quickly. I didn't press, I hadn't been completely honest with him either. Still, was he under the impression there was something going on between Deidara and me?

"There's nothing between any other members and myself if that's what you're wondering." I said simply. "Nor is there any 'secret' crushes, hidden affections or any wishful shenanigans."

"Any of them?" He asked hopefully.

"Nope" I answered curtly

"Present company included?" He asked almost to quiet for me to hear. I decided to pretend I didn't.

"What was that?" I asked looking at him, he shrugged.

"Nothing, never mind" He said

"So out of pure curiosity, what brought it up?" I asked very smoothly "Are there some wild rumors going around the base?"

"No rumors," He drawled "Just, you know, Deidara's kind of cute." My heart stopped, wait a minute. Was he making sure there wasn't anything between us so he could move in? What about…

"I suppose," I drawled trying not to react "but I'm not much into blondes."

"Really?" He asked

"Yeah, the whole 'revenge' thing is also a bit of a put off." I said "Not to say I don't like light hair colors, Deidara just isn't my type I guess."

"No? What about Sasori? He's not dark haired." He asked

"Nah, he's pretty short though." I sighed, I began catching on. He was trying to size out the kind of person I was interested in. Trying to be subtle. It was almost cute.

"Don't like short, or blonde what about Kakuzu?" He asked

"Why are you so curious all of a sudden?" I asked, I wonder if I remembered how to flirt properly.

"No real reason" he said looking away from me.

"Uh-huh" I drawled, rolling my eyes and giving a small smile. Maybe I remember how to flirt after all.

"So, you never answered" He said grinning at me mischievously.

"Kakuzu? Being completely honest?" I asked looking at him very seriously; he leaned in a streak of fear in his face. I smiled "He scares the shit out of me." He broke into a loud laugh, I smiled feeling a sense of achievement.

"You've effectively eliminated all of the Akatsuki" He laughed

"Have I?" I asked putting my finger to my chin in a mock thinking fashion. "That was only three… What about our superiors?" He looked at me surprised, "You counted them out? Oh well, to be honest I'm pretty sure Pein is taken anyway."

"Oh yeah… yeah…" He said in a sigh "Um, who is Kakuzu's new lamb for the slaughter?"

"I have no clue" I said shrugging "Whoever it is, I almost feel pity."

"Yeah? Well, what about Madara?" He asked, I stopped walking. I saw him stiffen and stop with the realization of what he said. "Tobi! I mean Tobi. Shit." I was shocked speechless, how did? This was impossible!

"How do you know about Madara?" I asked sternly,

"How do you?" He asked back

"What do you mean how? I'm related to him!" I said irritably "How can I not know someone in my family? We were a pretty close bunch. No one could have a goldfish without the entire family knowing!"

"Point taken" Kisame nodded "Dumb question." I caught up to Kisame with a demand for answers. We pulled off at an out of the way little tea shop and he told me about how and where he met Madara, in truth, it didn't surprise me. We walked the rest of the way to the hideaway where our new target supposedly was.

The hideaway was pretty small and well hidden; I was the one who came up with the brilliant plan, as usual. We split up, I came around the behind for the assassination and Kisame was the frontal assault. Sneaking through the back ways I had a lot of time to think. Because that's always a good thing. I thought about my partner and what he looked like this morning without a shirt, did he always look that way? He had a really nice body, so fit and.. oh my god.. I think I may actually be drooling a bit. Fuck and I'm getting shivers too… I gave myself a good mental slap and tried to focus on work. The place was small, really small. Small enough I could see just about to the front. I opened and roughly checked every room I came by. I saw a tall figure coming at me, it took me half a second to realize it was Kisame. He was empty handed.

"No luck?" He called to me, I shrugged, "Well damn, what's the next bright idea?" I looked around half wondering if he was mocking me.

"Contact our higher ups, explain the situation and wait for further instructions." I said "did you check every conceivable place?"

"Everything but the kitchen sink" He said, I think it was supposed to be a joke as he was staring at me expectantly, like I was supposed to find it funny. I walked past him to double check his work, I find it rather odd that there's nothing here. Maybe this snarky bastard really did put one over on us.

"What are you doing?" Kisame asked me as I ducked into a room.

"Double checking." I answered simply.

"What? You don't trust me?" He asked sounding insulted

"Not anymore than usual." I answered, ducking into a second room.

"Okay, let me rephrase then." He said "You don't trust me to find this fucker?"

"Why is it bugging you so much?" I asked, confused when did he start swearing so much? He's acting almost as hostile to me as he did when we were first introduced to each other. This bothered me; there was something wrong with his posture too. He had a small slouch and wasn't gesticulating, he had his arms crossed and was pouting at me in a very uncharacteristic way.

**Author's Notes:**

** Ha, ha ha ha ha. Kisame, out of the blue Ha. Ha ha… I think I felt a bit of my soul die on that one.**

** Does anyone else actually see Itachi using the word 'shenanigans'? I can't. Why did I write him saying it? Because A) I can and B) I had a b but I don't remember what it was… So, mostly because I can, and if you're reading this that means I haven't remembered the B.**


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